pause

I actually had such a block about recruiting and getting onto the fieldwork that I took a break - it all seemed too busy (and plus in my other life as a resaercher I'm immersed in recruitment and interviews - it all seemed a bit much). But it was the best thing I ever did! I've realised that I don't want to be too social sciency about the process - as a feminist resercher I need to make my own experience much more visible and central to the process and thesis. It's been a great experience to reflect on my own story and what it means and I think I needed to take the time to do that. It may seem indulgent but I have a secure methodological backing for this work and also it's a personal necessity - I'm remembering why I set out to do this in the first place and it is as much a personal as an intellectual journey. It also seems very important to tap into my creative side - this is not an objective, scientific, detached piece of research. For me, to express the personal explicitly in the work makes it more valid, more engaged and more honest - though of course any account will be a construction of reality. But in standpoint theory, without the lived experience of whoever is in a specific marginalised position, the knowledge becomes distorted. When else am I going to have this opportunity in my career as a researcher? Finally I feel as though I'm taking control, making it my own and remembering why I embarked on this project in the first place. And it certainly wasn't to conform to any preconceived rules. That's better!