Well I'm now at the beginning of my second year and the research fieldwork phase of my doctorate, although as I'm studying part-time it has been a long time coming...
The first year was great - trying out lots of ideas, reading, meeting people, attending conferences - it all felt a bit indulgent in a way and not too challenging. However, as I drew towards funding applications and the resarch outline, it started to become more problematic. I enjoyed solving epistemological challenges - how to reconcile feminist standpoint theory with post modern feminist perspectives - but as soon as one problem was solved another came up and it all started to feel overwhlming as I realised how little I knew and was drawn into revisiting the big questions, questioning who I am as a researcher. This all seemed to trigger a crisis in confidence and I also found that trying to mould what I wanted to do to what was deemed valid in funding terms was quite disheartening.
My research is looking at intimacy in the life trajectories of lone mothers and it has a huge significance to me personally - it has emerged as much from the conversations I've engaged in with friends as feminist theories / theories of intimacy and the family I've looked at and I'm aiming to keep it very focussed and grounded in experience. The aim is to uncover and explore experiences which have previously been marginalised. The underlying questions are about choice and contraint - structural / cultural / personal factors which impact on lone mothers' choice making and negotiations in the personal realm of their lives.
It only really came together at the end of last year when I did my research outline presentation. This forced me to put my resarch into more accessible terms in order to communicate what I was doing and in the process, somehow it became clearer to me and i could see the shape of it. Filling out the various forms for research outline approval also enabled me to simplify what I was doing and put it into a few succinct sentences - it then seemed clear, rather than a sprawling unmanageable mass of ideas, thoughts and experiences.
And now I'm taking time to reflect, write about my own experiences, develop my framework and gradually begin to recruit - the practicalities of recruiting participants is set to be a major challenge for this year...
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2 comments:
This looks really interesting Charlotte. I certainly felt a strong sense of agreement regarding the "Phoney War" element of the frist year. The crisis of confidence sounds all too familiar too.
With regard to the theories of intimacy. I was left wondering how you were defining that. Are you looking at intimacy in Physical, Emotional or Spiritual terms or any mix of the above.
Thanks for your last paragraph, I must start my IRAS, looked last night and I am sure it will be a big help.
I have to say I was flabbergasted to see that you posted your blog at 02:44. Crikey! Perhaps we should all set up insomniacs anonymous...
Charlotte, you didn't mess up my diary, on the contrary, I found your comments extremely helpful. I have printed them out to make a hard copy as well, so thank you very much. Please feel fee to leave posts rather than comments
Colin
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